The Kids Are Not Alright They Actually Suck
by FishingAtTheCreek
Summary: Because of Eric Cartman's supposed "genius mind", Mr. Garrison's fourth grade class is sent twenty years into the future! Now they have to keep away from their future selves, accept their inevitable marriages, and deal with their bratty children. All the while trying to find a way to get back to 2014! Multiple pairings obviously wow.
1. Cartman the Genius

**You could say this whole premise is impossible but I could say this is fucking South Park and the laws of physics can go piss off. **

**xxx**

It was just another Friday at South Park elementary. Teachers were teaching, students were learning, and Butters Stotch received three ultimate swirlies in the same hour. Yes, things seemed to be dull and dreary for everyone at this school.

But as every good reader knows, everything is not as it seems.

It was almost the end of the school day. In Mr Garrison's fourth grade class, this meant Show and Tell. Craig Tucker had already showed off his beloved guinea pig (for the sixth consecutive week in a row) and Bebe Stevens had rattled off all of her new celebrity crushes from some teen magazine. The only other person who bothered to bring a Show and Tell item today was...Eric Cartman. Almost every kid in the classroom groaned when Mr. Garrison called his name out.

"Thank you, Mr. Garrison," Cartman said sweetly, carrying what appeared to be a high-tech toaster. "Ladies and gentlemen, I realize that some of you are unaware of my pure genius. But you don't have to worry about that anymore. Because last night, I invented this." He held the device above his head.

"...You invented a toaster?" Kyle Broflovski asked, a bored expression on his face.

"That's lame," Stan Marsh added, sighing a little.

"Mmph," Kenny McCormick agreed.

"No, I didn't invent a fucking toaster. It's a time machine," Cartman explained, as if this was incredibly obvious.

"Wow! A time machine! Neato!" Butters gushed, awed at his idol's invention.

"Oh please. You did not invent a time machine," Kyle said loudly, glaring at the fat boy.

"I know you're amazed at my intelligence, Kyle, but there's no need for jealousy. I sent my kitty forward in time two whole minutes last night." Cartman smiled triumphantly.

"Dude, you're such a liar." Stan shook his head, not even surprised at this bullshit anymore.

"Oh yeah? Let's test it then!" Cartman slammed his device down on his desk, punching something into what appeared to be a taped on calculator. "Let's go twenty years into the future! If it works, Kyle has to give me twenty bucks!"

"Eric, this is fucking stupid," Mr. Garrison mumbled, watching gay porn on his phone.

"Shh, Mr. Garrison. This is for science!" Cartman exclaimed, before pushing a red button on the toaster thing. For a second, nothing happened. Then a blue light seemed to fill the entire classroom in an instant. Sounds of confusion and small screams erupted from the children. Then, they were gone.

It seemed to happen in a blink of an eye. They were in a classroom, now they were all sprawled out somewhere. A pond, it seemed. Wait...

"This is Stark's Pond," Stan said, being the first one to say something in this new situation.

"...What?" Wendy Testaburger stood, looking around wearily. "It is...how did we get here?"

"Eric, are you sure you didn't invent a teleporter?" Butters asked, peeking at the stunned fat child.

"I...don't think so...?" Cartman stood carefully, looking at the device.

"Children, let's just all calm down..." Mr. Garrison frowned, looking at his iPhone in confusion. It was going all screwy. Right when he was at the best part of the video too.

"Hey...there are people!" Token Black pointed at a young couple who were holding hands and laughing on one of the benches. Their eyes were glued on the other's and they didn't notice the class yet.

Stan ran over to them immediately, earning a few yells from his classmates to stay back. "Excuse me? Hi! Um, is this Stark's Pond?"

The girl looked over at Stan in surprise, as if realizing then that there was an entire classroom of children there. "Oh, yeah. It is."

"Okay, thanks. And, um, do you know the date?"

The girl checked a slim, almost invisible device on her wrist. A watch? "March 6th, 2034."

2034. Every single person heard that. And all of them looked at Eric Cartman in amazement. He had done it. He had actually created a time machine. What the fuck.

"Uh, thanks..." Stan smiled nervously at the woman, then went back over to his dumbfounded classmates.

"Cartman...how the fuck..." Kyle muttered, digging in his pocket for twenty bucks.

"I...I..." Cartman mumbled, stunned. A few seconds later, he broke into a huge grin. "YES! Nah nah nah nah nah nah! I invented a time machine! Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!"

Nope, today was not the usual day after all.


	2. While you were ten

**Here's chapter two, where things actually start to happen. How badass would it be to time travel. But if you traveled to the future, wouldn't your future self already be aware that you're there? Because they remember travelling to the future? **

**Time travel is confusing.**

**Also, so many of the futuristic ideas in this fic will probably be stolen from DRAMAtical Murder because I'm unoriginal. **

**Except for the fashion. Because seriously, what the hell is wrong with the fashion in that game. **

**xxx**

If you simply skimmed the chapter before this and somehow missed the most important part, the children of Mr. Garrison's fourth grade class traveled to the year 2034. Also, get the fuck out of here with your skimming bullshit. You're going to read every single word of this story and you're going to like it.

So the kids plus Mr. Garrison were at Stark's Pond, a place that seemed to be in the same condition as it was twenty years ago. They were trying to figure out what to do, which wasn't easy for a bunch of ten-year olds.

"We should go back to 2014, obviously!" Kyle argued, glaring at Cartman. "Send us back!"

"I...can't?" Cartman looked at his device, frowning.

"What do you mean you can't?"

Cartman laughed nervously, pressing the buttons on the toaster. "It keeps saying error. But, since I'm obviously a genius, I bet I can fix it."

"Even if he can't fix it right away, who cares? This is the future! We should look around! We should buy some futuristic clothes!" Bebe said excitedly, clapping her hands.

Wendy shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Guys, we should see if our school is still around. Then, we should go to the library."

"The library?" Bebe made a face.

"Yes! That way, we know what happened in the last twenty years and we-"

"Boo. Boo, Wendy. Booooo. Boo, Wendy Testaburger, Boooo."

Wendy shoved Cartman's shoulder, scoffing.

"I guess we should. Besides, now we can bet on who wins each football game and be right about it," Stan said, earning a few whoops from the guys.

"You kids go ahead. I'll wait here and uh...not come with you." Mr. Garrison sat against a tree, shutting his eyes. Figuring that they were all more responsible than their teacher, the children went on their way.

As they walked around the neighborhood, the children were shocked at how ordinary South Park seemed to be. The houses looked the same, the cars looked the same, even the people looked the same. Sure, the fashion seemed to be a bit stranger (Colors that would clash in 2014 were somehow styled to look cool in 2034) but everything was normal. Had technology ceased to advance for twenty years? How could that even happen?

"Hey, here's the school!" Clyde pointed at a building. Besides looking much more cleaner and having what appeared to be guards surrounding it, it looked exactly the same. Had they really even traveled twenty years?

"Do we just...go in?" Token asked, looking at the guards fearfully.

"What if it's a trap? _Oh, Jesus_!" Tweek squeaked, covering both his eyes.

"Why would it be a trap? Come on, let's just go," Kyle huffed, though he looked a bit scared as well. He was the one to lead them all toward the school, and the only one not trembling as they approached a guard. "Hello...?"

The guard scanned the children, his eyes turning red. "Unknown beings detected. Present Coil for access." His voice was robotic, unlike any kind of human's. It made every single kid shiver.

"Coil? Uh...we don't...have one?" Stan said, his voice faltering with each word.

The guard made a small noise, like gears running. "No Coil presented. The administrator of this facility has been notified."

Seconds later, a woman came out of the school, her overall appearance intimidating to the children. Her eyes resembled that of a fox's and her auburn hair was cut in a sleek bob. Though her name tag read "Principal Rosella", she looked more like a government agent than a school principal. She gazed at the children suspiciously.

"I understand none of you have your Coil with you? I cannot let any of you in my school without one," Principal Rosella said, her voice crisp and to the point. She was in charge of children? Seriously?

"Uh...we're exchange students!" Stan explained quickly, looking at his classmates for support. All of them nodded in agreement.

"Oh. From where?"

"...Hawaii!" Butters blurted out, earning glares and bewildered looks from his classmates.

"...Hawaii. We're from Hawaii," Stan confirmed, waiting for the woman to call the cops or something. There was no way she was going to buy it.

"Ah, I see. How exciting. We've never had transfer students before." The principal smiled at the students excitedly. Each and every child had the collective thought of 'what the FUCK' then. Except Butters. Butters thought about trains and wondered the magic behind them. "Let me just see if any teachers are willing to allow you into their classroom."

Principal Rosella held up her wrist, pushing a button that seemed to be implanted there. A blue holographic screen covered her face, and she just...stared at it? She tilted her head a few times, but she didn't use her hands or anything. Weird. After a few minutes, the blue holograph dissolved and she nodded at the children. "Okay, Ms. Riley agreed to let you children stay in her classroom. She is in charge of the fourth grade class. Looks about your age anyway. Follow me."

The woman turned toward the school and walked in briskly. After a nervous glance at one another, the children followed her wearily. As they walked through the halls, each child was shocked at how ordinary the school looked. The only real change appeared to be the lockers, which had keypads where the locks would be. Weird.

After a short walk, the principal stopped at a classroom door. Each of the children soon realized that it was _their_ classroom. Well, it was twenty years ago, that is. Principal Rosella opened the door, ushering everyone inside. Wendy let out an audible gasp at the sudden change in scenery. Everything was so high-tech. The chalkboard was replaced with what appeared to be a large screen. The children sitting in the desks all had the holographic blue screen in front of their faces. The small changes all of them were so sure of weren't so small after all.

A young, blonde woman with curly pigtails bounced up to them. "Thanks, Principal Rosella! I'll take it from here!" The principal nodded, walking out of the classroom and slamming the door. "Class! Attention, please! Turn off your Coils!"

Just like before, the blue screens coming from each student dissolved at the teacher's command. All of the fourth graders of 2034 stared at the fourth graders of 2014 curiously, a light murmur spreading throughout the classroom.

"I'm Ms. Riley, the fourth grade teacher! Everyone, these are the exchange students from Hawaii! Why don't you all introduce yourselves?" Ms. Riley beamed at the children, who silently panicked.

"I'm Mel Gibson," Cartman said solemnly.

"John Elway," Butters added.

"...Taylor Swift," Bebe said.

"Selena Gomez," Wendy mumbled.

"Uh...Terrance Stoot," Stan breathed out.

"Phillip Argyle," Kyle muttered.

"Stripe Racer," Craig deadpanned.

"MC Hammer!" Tweek exclaimed.

"Jack Black," Token said.

"Michelle Obama," Nicole smiled.

"John Harington," Clyde nodded.

"Mmph-mmph mnmphth," Kenny finished proudly. God damn, he had the best name there.

"...I see! Well, those must be traditional Hawaiian names!" The class oohed in amazement, completely buying it. "Well, is there anything you want to know about America?"

"Yes! Um, we would like to know some American inventions. Like, in the past twenty years?" Wendy smiled sweetly at Ms. Riley, who gave her a matching smile back.

"Sure! Anyone have an answer for Selena?" Ms. Riley looked out to her students. A fair amount raised their hands. "Yes, Sherry?"

A girl with two black braids and pretty green eyes smiled proudly. "The Gayby machine!"

"Very good, Sherry!" Ms. Riley hummed, then turned to the confused kids. "You see, about ten years ago, there was a machine created that allowed gay couples to have biological children. A good number of my students are the products. Take Sherry for example! She has two fathers, both her biological."

Nicole furrowed her brows. "Really?"

"Yes. Thanks to the machine, homosexuality is much more widely accepted than it was twenty years ago," Ms. Riley explained. "Any other inventions? Yes, Christina!"

"_Ngh_!" A small, frail girl with messy black hair twitched. "Um, the Coil. _Oh Jesus I'm sorry if I'm wrong-_"

"No, um, you're correct, Christina." Ms. Riley smiled nervously at the girl. "The Coil is a small operating machine, so tiny that it seems invisible! It uses brainpower to function properly, and it can be used for any internet needs or contacting friends and family! See?" The teacher held out her wrist, where a tiny blue button was. "This is how you turn it on!"

The 2014 kids were awestruck at the technology. It looked so cool. The future was kickass!

"Now, we know your names. Why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselves? Starting with...Lilith!" Ms. Riley pointed at a tough looking brunette with a bored look on her face.

The girl sighed, rolling her eyes. "Lilith Cartman."

Each of the so-called 'Hawaiian' children all gasped and looked at their Cartman, who was looking very pale and freaked out.

The children went along with saying their names. A few names stuck out to the children of 2014: Sherry and Randy Marsh (twins, apparently), Christina Tucker (who twitched and stammered when she was saying her name), Kimberly McCormick ("Everyone calls me Bubbles though!"), Rodrick Donovan, Micheal Black, Leia Stoley, Ron Malkinson, and Penelope Thorn. Though, none could remember why Penelope's last name was so familiar.

These were their children. All of them realized this in an instant. And it took every bit of their strength not to scream in horror.


	3. Kids of America

**Welcome back, kids! This is the chapter where things get a little bit clearer about the children of the future. I'm sure you're so excited to see these little shits. **

**Also, big thanks to a reviewer named Emeliegh Thorn, thank you so much for your review, it really gave me the motivation to write this chapter! Thanks to the rest of the reviewers too, you're all so perfect and nice and aaah. **

**xxx**

Having children was something that was normal when you grew up. Sure, the idea might have seemed unappealing as a child, especially as a boy, but lots of people were excited to have kids.

To the ten year olds of South Park Elementary (the beta versions), however, finding out they have children in the future was the worst. Not only had they settled down and got married (blegh!), they raised their young in South Park! Each of them were certain they would move out of the shitty, little mountain town when they were eighteen. But no. It seemed they were doomed to be here forever. God dammit.

After the little introductions, Ms. Riley told the 'Hawaiians' to sit on the floor, since all the seats were taken. They did, silent. None of them particularly wanted to discuss any of their future children at the moment. Yeah, that could wait until later.

After about an hour of the teacher rattling on about something science related that the 2014 kids had no desire to listen to, a bell rang.

"Lunchtime! You exchange students are welcome to follow us to the cafeteria!" A beaming Ms. Riley chirped. The children nodded slowly, then got up to go to the lunchroom.

Though the entire school had new technology, nothing seemed to be different in the cafeteria. The same tables, same condiments, and same bland food. As they stood to the side, Kyle was the one who spoke first.

"I think we should talk to our...um, kids," he suggested, which earned him a glare from Cartman.

"Ohh, such a smart idea, Kyle. Let's just tell them that we traveled in time with a toaster and we're their parents!" Heavy sarcasm there, if you couldn't tell.

Kyle huffed, crossing his arms. "We don't have to tell them that, fatass. Aren't you guys curious about what your future kid will be like?"

Silence greeted him, but it wasn't necessarily an awkward one. Each child had to admit, they were pretty damn curious. What was the worst that could happen, after all?

Stan looked around, spotting someone sitting in an empty table. "Let's start out easy. That girl, Christina, she's sitting alone. Even if she finds out, we can explain it without causing a scene."

"Plus, we could always just pull her away somewhere and-" Wendy added, before being cut off.

"And we can kill her quietly," Cartman finished.

"That's not what I was going to say, asshole. But whatever."

Hesitantly, all of the beta kids went over to where Christina Tucker was sitting. She didn't notice them right away, too focused on the thermos she was drinking out of. When she finally realized they were going to sit down, she nearly spit out her drink.

"Ah! You scared me!" She shrieked, shrinking in her seat as the children sat all around her.

Wendy and Bebe were the ones next to her, and they tried to use every ounce of their girl powers to comfort the girl.

"It's okay! We just wanted to sit here with you," Wendy explained, beaming.

Bebe took her arm, earning a squeal. "Cute bracelet! Where'd you buy it?"

Christina looked down doubtfully at her bracelet, which was a silver chain with a little gold guinea pig. "My daddy bought it for me."

Nicole, who was sitting next to Bebe, gazed at it. "Aww, it's adorable! Look at the little hamster on it!"

"It's a guinea pig," Christina and Craig said in unison, then looked at each other.

"How'd you know that? GAH, ARE YOU A SPY OR SOMETHING?" Christina yelled, which got the attention of the tables around them. Only for a second though.

"No. I just know it is," Craig replied bluntly.

Christina relaxed a little, then smiled down at the bracelet. "I did, too. When my daddy got me this, he told me that I was the only person on this earth that deserved to wear it. Even more than him."

The girls let out an 'aww' at this, while the boys collectively thought that was the stupidest thing they ever heard, though they all concealed it with a smile. This lovely moment was interrupted, however, by a booming voice.

"Geez, Christy, stop freaking out the new kids!" Lilith Cartman, the first girl they found out was a future kid, was standing behind Christina, arms crossed. Christina shrieked, and fell backwards onto the floor. Lilith wasted no time in taking her seats.

"If you wanted advice on this place, you should have gone to me. Not this one," Lilith laughed, jerking her thumb in Christina's direction. The latter whimpered in response. "Anyway, Lily is here to really help you out. Not the crazy one right here."

"Eep! I'm not crazy!" Christina shouted, getting on her feet. She didn't attempt to return to her original seat though, looking at Lily fearfully.

"Sure you are. Your dads are crazy, and you're their crazy little kid. Tell them about your dads, Christy, aren't they insane?" Lily taunted, making Christina wail in frustration. "It's okay, I'll tell them. So her parents are really weird, right? I mean, her one dad twitches and spazzes out just like her. Guess you got the bad genes, huh Christy?"

"Shut up!" Christina whined, exasperated. Lily did the opposite of that.

"And her other dad is weird, too. He flips everybody off, like, all the time. And he's got this obsession with guinea pigs. Both of them are loony. Just like Christina."

Christina looked down, trying her hardest not to cry. "Stop it, Lily. They're not crazy. Th-They just do stuff that's different. I'm not crazy either!"

Lily rolled her eyes, then smiled sweetly at the 'Hawaiians'. "If you ask me, all the Gayby kids are kind of screwy. I mean, there's Christina here for one. Then there's Penelope, who keeps saying she lives in Hell. Bubbles is really dorky and gross. But the worst has to be Sherry and Randy Marsh." Lily's eyes glowed with contempt. "Yeah. Those two suck."

"What's wrong with them?" Stan asked, feeling weirdly protective of his future children.

"Randy is usually okay, though he's a huge pussy. But Sherry? She's a fucking bitch. All she will do is pretend to be your friend, then stab you in the back. She's just the worst. Best to stay away from her, new kids," Lily warned, a devious smile on her face. With a withering look towards Christina, she left the table.

Christina took her seat, sniffing a little and wiping her eyes.

"What's her problem?" Bebe asked, wrapping an arm around Christina. The other girl jumped a bit, then frowned.

"I dunno. Lily is always like that. She's just so mean..." Christina looked at each of the other children earnestly. "And I'm not crazy! Neither are my dads. They're just a little weird, but they're not insane! Papa is always nervous about things, and he drinks a lot of coffee. It helps him. And-and my daddy says that people are stupid sometimes and they need to be flipped off. That's all!"

"Hey, calm down," Craig said, earning confused glances from his friends. He was the last person anyone would expect to soothe Christina. "I don't think your parents are crazy. Lily is a dickwad."

Christina stared at him, then giggled. "I-I never heard anyone call her that. Usually people are scared of her. Except Sherry."

"Is Sherry really as big of a bitch as Lily says?" Token asked.

"No. Sherry is real nice. She even lets me hang out with her sometimes. It's just that she and Lily hate each other..."

"But why?" Kyle inquired.

Christina shrugged slightly. "That's just the way it's always been. A never-ending cycle."

Suddenly, the bell rang, signaling that lunch was over. Christina and Tweek both shouted when it went off. The students began to line up.

"Um...if you want, you could hang out with me and Sherry today. It's after school..." offered Christina shyly. She was obviously expecting a refusal from the exchange students.

"Okay," Clyde replied, without even discussing it with the others. That earned him numerous punches on the arm.

"Uh...actually, only a few of us can go," Token made up quickly, unsure what else to say.

"Alright! Cool!" Christina grinned, running over to a group of girls.

"Clyde, you dumbfuck," Cartman hissed, thumping the brown-haired boy in the head roughly.

"Listen, I think only me, Stan, Butters, Kenny, and the fatass should go," Kyle suggested, causing sounds of protest.

"No fair!" Nicole whined.

Kyle sighed, shaking his head. "Hear me out. Things will get confusing for everyone if we go. Just go back to Stark's Pond with everyone else. Got it?"

Everyone nodded quietly. Tweek piped up. "I-I can't believe I got a daughter!"

"I can't believe it's with Craig," Wendy added.

"I can see it..." Kenny muttered, going unnoticed by everyone.

"Gee, I wonder if I have any kids!" Butters wondered, feeling a little excited.

"Oh god, I hope not..." Cartman said, feeling bad for any kid who got stuck with Butters as a father.

**xxx**

Since no one even cares about school, we're going to zoom to the end of the day. Wendy and the other kids went back to Stark's Pond, while the five boys waited for Christina in the playground.

"This is bullshit. I don't wanna see Stan's kid. I wanna see mine again," Cartman complained.

"We already saw your daughter, and she's a huge bitch. So suck it up, fat boy," Kyle ordered. Before the two could argue, a group of kids approached them. They were led by Christina.

"Ack! I mean, these are a few of the kids I was talking about," Christina said to Sherry Marsh, who was observing the boys carefully.

"What are your names again?" Randy, the other Marsh, asked. He didn't seem to have the same amount of caution as his twin.

"Uh...I'm Terrence," Stan began, trying to remember the other fake names. "And they're Philip, Mel, John, and...uh...Ozzy?" Kenny nodded in affirmation.

Sherry played with one of her braids, smiling slightly. "You guys sure have weird names."

"They're Hawaiian," Bubbles piped up. "My daddy is a Hawaiian native too! Maybe they know him!"

Sherry rolled her eyes. "Your dad isn't...oh, never mind. Christina says that you guys met Lily, right?"

"Yeah, we did. And she's kind of a horrible bitch," Kyle huffed, more than annoyed with Cartman's demon spawn.

A girl with red eyes and blonde hair that reached her knees giggled. "Oh, she's just playing. My dad like to play like that to my poppy too!" Her speech had a slight British accent.

"Don't think that's the same thing, Penelope..." Randy said slowly. "Besides, it's different from where you're from."

"Oh, where are you from?" Butters asked her.

"The seventh level of Hell," she chirped, and the boys immediately recognized her surname. This was Damien's kid. Holy fuck.

"Anyway," Sherry continued, "you guys should stay away from Lily. She's awful. She thinks she's hot shit or something just because her family is wealthy."

Cartman felt pretty smug at that moment. Hell yeah, he was fucking rich in the future.

"Spewing shit from your mouth again, Sherry?" Lily Cartman suddenly appeared behind the boys, two boys flanking both her sides. These two were Michael Black and Roderick Donovan. "Do I have to make you shut up again?"

Sherry snorted, crossing her arms. "Bring it. Think I'm afraid of you?"

Lily tilted her head. "No, but I bet you're afraid of these two." She gestured to Michael and Roderick, before turning her attention to the boys. "What lies has the half-breeds been telling you?"

"Stop calling me and Randy half-breeds, you slut!" Sherry barked, wrapping a protective arm around her brother, who only sighed. This was apparently a normal occurrence.

"Gonna make me, half-breed?"

"Agh!" Sherry started to walk toward Lily, but was held back by Randy and Bubbles. "Let me go!"

"Hey, uh, miss?" Butters asked Lily. "Why do you call them half-breeds?"

Lily glared at Butters for a second, disgust in her eyes. "Don't ever talk to me again. I call them half-breeds because they're half of the three worst things. Half Jersey, half ginger, and half Jew!"

Silence was spread throughout all the boys. If Sherry and Randy's surname was Marsh, and they were half Jewish that meant...

Oh no.

"Later, nerds." Lily spun around, walking out of the playground with her posse following her.

Sherry sneered, calming down. "Ugh, I hate her so much..."

"I know," Randy sighed.

"Um, anyway..." Christina smiled at the boys, who were still processing everything. "What do you guys want to do?"

The boys looked at each other. That was a good question, what did they want to do? Cartman was aching to make fun of Stan and Kyle, who were both freaking out internally. Kenny wanted to tell both of them how surprising it really wasn't. Butters kind of wanted something to eat.

Eventually, Stan broke the silence. "Actually, our project from Hawaii was...to learn about the families of you people! So...could we see pictures of them?"

Sherry smiled, she looked relieved. "Sure! I thought you guys wanted to do weird Hawaiian games or something. But I guess we can tell you about my family."

"Why us?" Randy looked at his sister, confused.

"Papa and Dad aren't home right now. It'll be easier. They're so embarrassing..." Sherry huffed, before grinning at the boys. "My house isn't too far. Follow me!"

The future children began walking away from the school, the 2014 boys following behind. Obviously, they had to come into terms with this stuff, but how were you supposed to calmly deal with marrying and having kids with your best friend?

Unfortunately, Kyle and Stan didn't have the answer to that one.

**xxx**

**Sorry if this chapter was lacking. I rushed a bit. **

**Ugh, writing about these kids just makes me want to write a fic about their lives and everyone getting married and uggghhh. **

**Next chapter, we get to learn about the Marsh family! Yay?**


	4. Everything isn't as it seems

**Hello again! Welcome back to the stupid time travel story, where I half-ass by way through writing an actual story! Sit back, relax, and find out about the Marsh family 2.0**

**Also, we dip into the lives of each of the families! Including the older South Park kids!**

**xxx**

As promised, the walk to Randy and Sherry's house wasn't long at all. They lived five minutes away from the school, a fact that the twins were annoyed with. Their house was nice, but small. It looked more like a house a couple would live, not a family. Sherry acknowledged this, saying that everyone couldn't be rich like the Cartmans or the Blacks.

All the children entered the house, Sherry looking around cautiously. "Dad? Papa?" she called, silence answering her. "Good, they're really gone."

"Do you hate your parents or something?" Kyle asked, wondering why it even mattered to him what this girl felt about him. He didn't care. Only his kid in the future, and with Stan of all people. What did it matter to him? He didn't ask for this future.

"Nah, they're cool. It's just they don't exactly know how to turn off the fucking PDA. Like, you're married. Great. Don't have to show it all the time," Sherry complained, which made her brother scoff.

"You act like they fuck on the couch or something," he said, smirking at Christina when she blushed and let out an 'eep'.

Sherry pushed her twin. "Shut up and get the albums from the basement, dickhead." Her tone was playful, which clashed with the words she was using.

Randy grinned, then ran off. Sherry sat on the green couch that was in front of a large television. Christina ran to sit next to her, Bubbles sitting on her other side, and Penelope kneeling on the floor in front of them. This was their normal positions, it seemed.

The boys looked at each other, then sat on the floor with Penelope. The girl beamed at them. "How kind. When my father takes over this pathetic world, I'll let you guys be my slaves!" Penelope cooed.

"Aw, thanks!" Butters replied, smiling gratefully.

"So, uh, Sherry..." Stan began, finding it odd to say his future daughter's name. "How old are you guys, exactly?"

"All of us are nine," Sherry answered, playing with her braids again.

"What do your parents to?" Kyle asked, internally scolding himself for wondering.

"My dad's a repairman. It's pretty cool, I guess, but doesn't really want to do that forever. Papa is going to school to be a teacher, and he's doing all sorts of jobs for cash." Sherry paused, then frowned. "I mean, they don't get a ton of money from it but...it's fine. It is." The other three girls all looked down, but said nothing to their friend. They knew a different story, apparently.

Before the boys could ask more questions, Randy came back with a box full of photo albums. "Got them."

"Great!" Sherry seemed very happy for this distraction, pulling each of the dusty books out one by one. There were five of them, neatly titled on the front. The names included 'Stan', 'Kyle', 'High School', 'Wedding', and 'Kids'. Sherry picked up the two with the names on them. "So these ones are just sort of my dads' childhoods. Doesn't have anything interesting, unless you like countless pictures of Hanukkah and our grandpa getting drunk."

Randy took the books from his sister, tossing them back in the box. Sherry grabbed the high school one, smiling. "This one's actually funny. My parents started dating in high school, and they have the corniest fucking pictures of each other. It's cute, but God." She flipped through the book, stopping at one page. "Here's them with a bunch of their stupid friends."

The boys huddled around the picture, taking a good look. It was all five of them, except teenage versioned. Butters was smiling like it was a school picture, Kenny was making a lewd gesture involving his tongue and fingers, Cartman was sticking out his tongue and flipping the camera off, and Stan was kissing a laughing Kyle's cheek. It was...sweet, overall. Cartman thought it was hilarious, snickering silently.

"That was actually before they graduated, I think." Sherry flipped the page, then gasped. "Woah, prom night!"

"I cannot fucking believe our parents went to prom," Randy commented, looking at the picture over sister's shoulder.

Sherry held out the picture. Teenaged Stan and Kyle were both wearing tuxedos, Stan with a green tie and Kyle with a blue one. "Apparently, papa didn't want to go to it. But my dad begged and whined and bitched until he said yes." She laughed at this, though it seemed she heard it a million times.

She put the picture back, then shut the book. "Not much else in there. A lot of selfies. Next one." She snatched the wedding album, grinning at the boys. "So, my parents got married when they were nineteen, even though that is way too fucking early in my opinion. But these pictures are pure gold. Take a look at any of them, really." She tossed the album at the boys, Stan being the one to catch it. As he flipped through the book, each of them saw what Sherry meant when she said they were golden. It was exactly what you would expect from a wedding with a bunch of young adults.

There were a few nice ones here and there, a particular one catching Stan's eye. It was both him and Kyle's families together, with them holding hands in the center. Shelly was there and she was actually smiling. A miracle, really. An older Ike was also there, looking bored and disinterested. Apparently this was taken during his scene phase in life.

"Are those, uh, your aunt and uncle?" Kyle asked, trying not to sound like he already knew that.

"Yep," Randy replied, "That's aunt Shelly and uncle Ike. Aunt Shel's kind of a bitch, but she gets us kick ass Christmas gifts. Uncle Ike is awesome though. He lets us do whatever we want when he babysits."

"You say that as if I don't already do what I want," Sherry teased, poking her brother hard.

Bubbles had joined the semi-circle on the floor, peering at the book. "Isn't your grandpa named Randy too?"

"Yep. Gramps and Pop played rock paper scissors on who I would be named after. Gramps won," Randy explained casually. Stan and Kyle looked at each other for the first time since they found out about their kids, coming to a silent agreement. That was definitely something their dads would do.

Bubbles giggled. "Your family is funny. Wish I could live here."

"I'm sure your own family is funny," Butters insisted, smiling at the girl.

"Of course! But I have a little brother and all he does is cry." Bubbles huffed, clearly annoyed by this development.

Sherry put the wedding album back, along with the one labeled 'Kids'. "Nothing new there, just pictures of me and Randy," explained Sherry, going to sit back on the couch. "Was that good enough for you guys?"

"Actually, we wanted to know how your dads hooked up," Cartman said innocently, earning himself two heated glares.

"Ooh! I like this story!" Christina squealed, turning her attention to Sherry. "You tell it the best, Sherry!"

Sherry grinned proudly. "It's my job. Gather around, children, I will tell the story of my dear fathers." Hesitantly, the boys sat around the couch. Once she made sure she had everyone's attention, she began her story. "Okay, so once upon a time, my dad himself a girlfriend. I guess he actually thought he was straight or something, but whatever. Papa was his best friend, and he was always jealous of this chick. He said that even when they were in elementary school, he was always angry at how much Dad was obsessed with her.

"Dad was seeing this girl until high school, where they finally broke up for good. Poor daddy was a mess, crying and just generally being a huge pussy. He would drink and get in trouble with the bad kids and shit like that. So Papa was pretty worried about him. I mean, he was going to die if he didn't stop, get it? As his Super Best Friend, it was his duty to stop him.

"So one night they're chilling at Dad's house and arguing about Dad's drinking problems. It turns into a screaming match and somehow it got to the point where Papa confessed his love. They kissed, slept together, and started going out. And they all lived happily ever after," Sherry finished, standing on the couch so she could bow. Everyone clapped for her, Cartman clapping loudest of all. "That good enough for you guys?"

Cartman opened his mouth, but Kyle punched him in the gut before he could say anything. Surprisingly, it was Stan that spoke up. "What happened to that girl your dad dated?"

Sherry made a face, crossing her arms. "She got married to Lily's dad. No fucking clue why though, because she's actually nice."

Cartman's smug smile vanished immediately. Wendy? He got married to Wendy fucking Testaburger? What kind of shitty future was that? Oh well, at least he was rich.

Sherry stood, the girls beside her doing the same. "As much as I'd love to tell you more about my parents, it's 4:30. Papa is going to be home soon, and I'd rather not introduce you guys. Can't even remember your names."

Stan was about to repeat the fake names, but Kyle nudged him. "No problem. We better get going to. Rest of our class is waiting, you know?" Kyle sighed, in a way that he hoped Sherry took as a what-can-you-do kind of sigh.

"Alright." Sherry looked pointedly at the rest of her friends. "Same goes for you guys. Scram."

"But-But we've met your dads!" Christina pointed out, eager to stay here instead of going back to her own house apparently.

Randy looked at the shaky girl sympathetically. "Yeah, but Papa isn't in a good mood today. Don't worry, Christy, we'll see you tomorrow."

"Don't call me that," Christina said instantly.

Bubbles wrapped an arm around Christina, who yelped in surprise. "I'll walk you, Christina. Don't worry, you don't have to go alone."

Christina smiled gratefully at her, nodding slowly. "Okay..."

"Aw...done already?" Penelope pouted, then giggled slightly. "I suppose it can't be helped. I better get home before some of the creatures at home try to devour me again! Ah, good times."

The boys stared at Penelope, even though the future children didn't react in any way. They were used to Penelope and her home life, after all.

"Cool. Now get out. I'll see you guys tomorrow?" Sherry gave all of them a little wave. Randy was the one to walk them out, apologizing if his dear sister offended them with her charming personality. He then slammed the door shut.

"Uh...we better go..." Stan said awkwardly to the three girls.

"Goodbye, future slaves!" Penelope sang, grinning cheerfully.

"Bye bye!" Bubbles waved excitedly.

"Um...err...bye!" Christina squeaked, flushing. The two groups walked away in separate directions. Finally, the boys could talk in peace. They could have a mature discussion involving all of the events that occurred that day.

Or they could make fun of Stan and Kyle. That works too.

Cartman let out a loud laugh, clutching his fat stomach. "You fucking fags actually get married! This is the best day of my life! I knew you two always wanted to make out but you're actually fucking married!"

"Shut up, Cartman," Stan grumbled, face heated. He couldn't really believe it, even if he saw the pictures. How could he willingly marry his Super Best Friend? That was not the plan he had for the future.

"Heh, I guess it was kinda obvious, fellas," Butters pointed out, getting arm punches in response. "Hey now, that's not nice! Your kids seem nice after all."

Kyle scowled, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Whatever. At least I don't have a bitch for a daughter with Wendy, unlike fatass here."

"Shut the fuck up, Jew!" Cartman yelled, looking down angrily. He hated Wendy with every ounce he had in his fat body. How could he get married to her? They kissed once, sure, but that was completely different. "At least I'm rich."

"Fuck off," Kyle responded simply, relieved when Stark's Pond came into view. He just wanted to stay away from future kids for a while.

"Mmphmph mmph mm mph mpphmph mph?" Kenny pointed out. Ah, Kenny. His intelligent words never seem to fade.

"I will fix my time machine, Kenny. I don't need your poor ass to remind me," Cartman retorted. Kenny responded by kicking the back of his legs. "Ey!"

When they went to the spot they left their class, they found only Wendy and Bebe. "Where's everyone else?" Kyle asked.

"Mr. Garrison used his 'special services' money to get us a motel!" Bebe informed them happily.

"How were the future kids?" Wendy inquired, looking curious. Before anyone could say anything, Cartman decided to talk first.

"You see, Wendy, it seems that Stan over here marries Kyle. Stan and Jew. A match made in heaven," he sighed dreamily, especially when Wendy made a sound equivalent to an angry cat.

"Well you marry Cartman!" Stan shouted, as if this would explain it. Wendy stiffened, made a feeble squeaking noise, and passed out. Bebe glared at the boys.

"Now look at what you did! Pick her up and carry her to the motel!" Bebe barked, looking scarily vicious. All of the boys, even Cartman, did as told. Bebe was the girl ego nearly shot Wendy because of shoes, she was not to be messed with.

**xxx**

Later, the children were all safely in the motel room, Wendy being perfectly conscious. She was refusing to speak to Kyle, Stan, and Cartman however. Somehow, all three of them could live with this.

"So did they say anything interesting?" Token asked, holding hands with Nicole because that's what dating meant for them. Hand holding. Nothing else.

"Not really. Just talked about their family," Kyle explained shortly, opening a can of soda.

"Our family," Stan corrected, because it was technically right. He didn't care, after all, that Kyle got it wrong. Nope, not in the slightest.

"Weird that you two get married," Craig muttered, too busy with drawing a picture of his guinea pig riding one of the cars from Red Racer. A true masterpiece indeed.

"Not as weird as you and Tweek," Clyde remarked, pointing at the twitchy boy, who was busy rocking back and forth, murmuring about how stressful marriage was.

"Yeah, I guess," Craig said nonchalantly. Tweek snapped out of his trance and glared at Craig.

"GAH! H-How could you even say it so calmly, man? We're going to get married in the future!" All Tweek got was a shrug in response, which made him angry. Craig was supposed to be confused and freaking out, like he was. How could he marry this person who was completely different from him?

Wendy interrupted them, slamming a piece of paper down on the floor. "I did a family tree of everyone we met so far," she explained, avoiding any sort of eye contact. "Some a made a guess on, but I'm probably right anyway.

A neatly sketched tree with many names was on the paper. The only four she guessed on were Penelope (Pip and Damien), Bubbles (Kenny and Butters), Michael (Nicole and Token), and Roderick (Bebe and Clyde). Clyde and Token high-fived when they saw the guesses, both pleased they married such hot girls.

"Thanks for drawing this Wendy," Stan said cautiously.

"Fuck off," Wendy hissed, still not over it yet. Oh well, she'd probably get over it in a few days. A week, tops.

Butters looked at the tree, turning to his friends. "What do you think our kids are doing now? You think our future selves are with them?"

"Don't care," Kyle huffed, crossing his arms. Stan didn't bother to reply, just looked down miserably at his name on the paper. It was connected to Kyle by a single line. For some reason, he could relate to that.

"I hope they're happy," Butters hummed, which made the boys silent. All for a different reason. None of them would admit it, but they all hoped their kids were happy too. After all, who wanted their children to be depressed?

**xxx**

Sherry Marsh never asked for much, but having a functional family would have been nice. Hell, she'd trade anything for it. Imagine having a dinner with your family without cold silences or heated glares. Imagine peacefully going to sleep without worrying if Daddy would come home from the bar that night. Imagine being able to say that no, my parents don't fight much.

To Sherry, things like that were only fantasy.

In her small room, she could hear the muffled yells coming from downstairs. Daddy didn't get a lot of money from work again, and Papa was angry. Randy, the lucky asshole, was fast asleep on the bottom of their shared bunk bed. Randy knew how bad it was, but he probably didn't worry about it like Sherry. He didn't have the urge to vomit when his parents were together, because he was just so nervous about the possibilities of divorce. No, Randy wasn't like that.

Maybe things weren't so bad. In the daytime, her dads really were big on PDA. When they weren't thinking about bills, it seemed like they were really in love. But things were different at night. They thought Sherry was asleep then, so they didn't have to act.

Silently, Sherry crawled out of bed and climbed down the ladder slowly. Yep, Randy was in a deep sleep. How could he do it so easily? Was there some sort of trick to it?

She opened the door, and immediately the shouting became so much louder. She could hear every word her parents were saying, and that wasn't good.

"God, Stan, you can't just keep spending our fucking money on yourself all the time! You say you want us to be okay, yet you just drink instead of actually using the fucking money for us! You're just like your dad!" Papa was yelling, and Daddy let out an angry huff. He didn't like being compared to Gramps, even someone like Randy knew why.

"I am not, and you know I hate being compared to him! I'm trying, alright? It isn't my fucking fault that my asshole of a boss cut my salary, Kyle! Jesus Christ, I hate that stupid job-"

"Then quit! You keep saying you can't stand it, yet you don't do shit about anything! You're a fucking pussy, Stan, that's why Wendy broke up with you-"

"You're using my high school relationship as an example? We aren't like what me and Wendy were, Kyle!" Sherry's heart had sped up by now. Her Daddy never got so mad about these kinds of things. It was scary.

"We just happened to last longer. Sometimes, Stan, I wonder if getting married was such a brilliant goddamn idea." That was it. When that confession came from her Papa's mouth, Sherry couldn't stop herself from throwing up on the floor of the hallway. It was loud, and her parents quieted down.

"...Sherry?" Daddy asked. "You there, sweetie?"

"Yes..." Sherry mumbled, feeling humiliated.

"You throw up again?"

"...Uh huh..." Then, Sherry started bawling. God, she was a baby. Everyone thought she was so tough and confident, but she really wasn't. She was a child, and she was terrified that her parents stopped loving each other.

Papa let out a huge sigh, climbing up the stairs and picking up Sherry. The latter responded immediately, throwing her arms around him and sniffling against his shoulder.

"Shouldn't eavesdrop, Sher..." Papa mumbled, stepping over the puke carefully.

"M'sorry..."

Papa didn't respond to this, just carried her into the bathroom to clean her up. When Sherry got a good look at his face, she noticed how sad he looked.

"Papa?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you and Dad still love each other?"

He smiled at her, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Heh. You ask that every week."

"But do you?"

He didn't answer for a long minute, washing her face carefully. "I don't love it when he drinks or when he doesn't do anything about his job."

"But do you love him?"

Papa smiled wistfully, looking up to the ceiling. "Yes. To a fault, I think. Impossible for me to stop, actually."

Sherry felt hopeful. "You won't get a divorce then?"

He didn't answer her again for a minute, then shook his head. "Your dad could never even suggest it. Even if we did hate each other, I don't think either of us would want to go through with it. When grown-ups fight, we say a lot of stuff we don't mean..."

Sherry nodded slowly, feeling slightly relieved. "Okay..."

"Want to go back to bed?"

"Yeah."

Hand in hand, they left the bathroom. Daddy was out in the hallway, the vomit that was previously on the floor now gone. "Feel better, princess?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Good. I promise, we won't fight like that again, sweetie."

Sherry nodded. It was okay when Daddy lied like that. He was only trying to help, after all.

"G'night, Dad. G'night, Papa." She gave them both a kiss, waited for them to return it, then went back into her room. Randy was still asleep, the moron. She paused, listening to her parents before going to bed. They were talking softly now, but Sherry definitely caught 'I love you'. Good, they were okay for the night.

She laid in bed, trying to get to sleep now that there was no distraction. She thought about the Hawaiian kids. They probably thought her parents were so in love with each other. Sherry was a liar, a huge one. But how do you explain to strangers that your parents always acted like they were on the verge of divorce?

**xxx**

Christina Tucker wondered, as she played with her guinea pig, if her parents really were crazy or not. It was late, and it was a school night, yet they didn't shout at her for staying up. They didn't say anything about it, really. They just weren't those kind of parents.

They didn't mind it when Christina asked if she could play with Checkers in their room. Most parents would refuse, because night times were when they could be alone. But her Daddy didn't react much and her Papa quickly scooted closer to Daddy to make room.

It was peaceful. Too peaceful. Christina didn't know why the comfortable silence bothered her, but it did. It made her tremble.

"Um...we had exchange students today!" There, that would definitely start a conversation. At least, it would if Daddy felt talkative today.

"From where," he said. When he asked questions, they only sounded like statements. It was like the pitch in voice box was broken.

"Hawaii!"

"Hawaii?" Papa asked, looking over at her. Papa's eyes were brown. It wasn't supposed to be a pretty color, but Christina thought they were so beautiful. "They aren't some kind of Hawaiian terrorists, are they? Ngh, oh fuck what if they want to bomb us and-"

"Stop scaring her," Daddy interrupted, which made the blond go silent. Christina was grateful. More because it was her Papa that she didn't want getting spooked. She hated seeing him get scared.

"No, they're nice, Papa. Really." It was weird. At home, Christina hardly twitched or shook with her parents. But she was just awful around other people. She was really only slightly more calm when they were here. "They aren't going to kill you."

Christina kind of felt like crying right when she said that. Fuck. She promised herself she would forget. A few weeks ago, Papa got a letter from the doctor saying he was sick. Really sick. Christina didn't tell her parents that she knew, but it was hard to ignore it. Papa was still working at their coffee shop, even though Christina knew it would just make everything worse. She needed to talk about something else.

"Lily Cartman was really mean today. She pushed me out of my seat at lunch..." That was embarrassing to say, but whatever. It was better than thinking about the bad things.

"Lily Cartman is a cunt," her dad said dismissively. Papa scolded him for cursing in front of their daughter, and Christina giggled. "She is. Just like her dad."

Papa huffed, but leaned into Daddy more. The other wrapped his arm around his husband, and there was that crying feeling again. She didn't want Papa to die. She didn't even know if he would. Not knowing was worse.

"Um...I'm going to bed now!" Christina hopped off the bed, cradling Checkers in her hands. The guinea pig looked up at her, as if sensing her sadness. Checkers always understood what was wrong.

Papa nodded, looking at the digital clock. "It's late anyway. Night, Christina!" He blew a kiss to her, which she caught.

"Night," Daddy said simply. One would think that her dad's lack of emotion meant that he didn't love her. But that wasn't true. Daddy was the most caring person Christina ever saw, even though he never acted that way. He was so lovable. He was good.

Christina ran out the room, going into her own and putting Checkers back into his cage. She was panting hard for some reason, and her heart was beating so loud. Maybe she was sick.

_Sick, like Papa. So sick. He's going to die and I'm going to die and Daddy is going to be alone and so is Checkers and..._

Christina shook her head, so much that it started to hurt. She turned off the lights and jumped into her bed, trying to fall asleep immediately. She would dream that her family was healthy and everything was okay and that no one was dead. Everything was going to be okay. It was.

**xxx**

Bubbles McCormick didn't remember life when she was a toddler. But she was sure that she couldn't have been this loud.

At first, having a new little brother seemed like such a fun idea. Someone to play with that wouldn't call Bubbles mentally challenged. She could be a responsible big sister, which was more than any of her friends could say. Someone would finally look up to her.

However, Leo was two. Apparently, this was the age when babies thought they were hot shit. All Leo would do was scream and bawl until he was tired. Her daddies were probably so tired, the poor things.

Unlike her friends, Bubbles hadn't quite grasped the concept of giving both of her dads two different names. When explaining them other people, she just called them Daddy One and Daddy Two. When she was home, both were daddy. Kind of confusing, and it caused a lot of "no, other daddy".

She wanted to go to sleep. She didn't want the sound of screaming ringing in her ears. Through all the crying, she could hear Daddy Two's voice soothing the little toddler. Daddy One was probably annoyed. He probably wanted to fuck. Bubbles didn't really know what 'fucking' was, but it was the blunt explanation Daddy One gave to her when she asked what was the noise that came from their room at night. She guessed it was a grown up thing.

The only good thing Bubbles could say about Leo was that he was cute when he wasn't whining. He called Bubbles 'Kimmy' (a name she had long outgrown) and liked to play simple games. If he stopped crying less, he wouldn't be so bad.

Bubbles was scared for her brother. What if he grew up hating Bubbles too? Sure, her parents liked her. So did Randy and Sherry. But everyone else, even Penelope and Christina, thought she was stupid. She was geeky and excitable and an excellent target for Lily Cartman.

Sometimes Bubbles got really sad. She would steal Daddy One's matches and make burn marks into her arm whenever that happened. But she was better now. There was a reason the pretty medicine in the bathroom cabinets were called 'painkillers'. Bubbles took enough to make everything hurt a little less. It worked, too, and that was good.

Soon, around midnight, Leo quieted down. As Bubbles fell asleep, she was grateful on how lucky she really was. She had no reason to be sad.

**xxx**

In Hell, time didn't really mean anything. So when most kids were asleep, Penelope Thorn was having dinner with her family.

Tonight was a yummy dinner. They were eating rotten scones and sour chicken, emphasis on the sour part. Penelope didn't understand how anything on earth could be considered delicious and what they were eating was apparently disgusting. This was a cuisine in Hell! Mortals were weird.

Even though, technically Penelope was somewhat mortal. Not that she liked to admit it. She wanted to be a fearful demon like her dad. Not some pansy mortal.

Now, this didn't mean she didn't love her poppy. He was the exception, he was too sweet to hate. Her dad must have thought so too, considering he dominated poppy and made him his wife. Their love story was so much better than the story between Sherry's parents.

"How was school, dear?" Poppy asked, smoothing out the pretty black dress he was wearing. He was only allowed to wear women's clothing, according to dad. He was certainly lovely enough to pull it off. Penelope only hoped she could grow up to be just as beautiful.

"Fun! Oh, we had exchange students from Hawaii! They were so nice. Could I make them my slaves when we take over, dad?" Penelope turned to her father, who scowled. He wasn't the affectionate type, but that was alright to Penelope. She loved him anyway.

"As the Princess of Darkness, you can have as many slaves as you want," he grumbled, drinking the peculiar red liquid in his cup. Penelope squealed with excitement, clapping her hands.

Poppy picked at his food, then spoke cautiously to dad, "Don't you think she should be focusing on making friends than slaves, Damien?"

Dad glared, hissing at his wife, "Quiet. She will do whatever she will like. She is my spawn, the heiress of the anti-Christ. She has more power than you, wife." Penelope flushed with happiness. Her dad was so sweet.

The other parent shook his head, smiling. "I guess it can't be helped. Don't try and tie them up like you did with the others, Penny."

"I won't, poppy!" Penelope promised. It was messy when she did that to the last people she met.

Dad huffed, then yanked poppy onto his lap. This was normal for the younger girl. Sometimes her father loved poppy too much, and showed this by making him moan and scream at the dinner table. Penelope was used to it, and simply rolled her eyes.

"Honestly. You two are so silly. This is why I don't invite people over," she scolded, picking up her plate. Poppy, who couldn't talk that well with dad's fangs sinking into every part of his neck, gave a sheepish apology to his daughter. "I think I'll go to bed now. Goodnight, poppy! Goodnight, father!"

"Night," her dad huffed, too preoccupied with his wife to really give a proper goodnight.

"Sweet dreams, hon- nnngh!" Penelope shook her head, chuckling at her parent's behavior. They were such children sometimes. She went to her room, admiring the skinned skeleton on her wall before crawling into bed. Dad got that for her, and it was her favorite thing ever.

She didn't need sleep, but she liked it. Dreams were fascinating, and sometimes horrifying. Those were her favorite kind. Though, no matter how sweet her dreams were, they were nothing compared to her parents.

**xxx**

In reality, Lilith Cartman didn't think she was so mean.

Sure, she hated Sherry and Randy Marsh. But they were jerks. They acted like their family was so much better than hers, when it really wasn't. She heard her mom talk about it the other day. The word divorce was thrown around a few times, and it made Lily happy to know their family wasn't so perfect.

It wasn't easy being mean. In fact, Lily hated it. She hated saying these things to people and watching them cry and she hated how easily she could do it. Just like her father, that's what the teachers said. Assholes. They were the only reason why she acted like that. Everyone expected the infamous Eric Cartman's daughter to be evil, so that's what she gave them. They simply deserved it.

Despite all of the rumors, Lily loved her father. She really did. He wasn't the sadistic douchebag he was when he was a kid. He was better. But no matter how much she insisted on it, no one believed her. There was no way Eric Cartman could be caring, after all.

Lily was interrupted by these thoughts, her mother's voice bringing her back to reality. "It's late, Lily. Want to go to bed?" Fuck, even her mother was afraid of her. The bitch was frigid, that's what dad said.

"Yeah. Uh, is daddy in his study?"

"Mmmhmm. Goodnight, sweetie. I...love you."

How bad was your life when your mom hesitated to love you? Lily kissed her mom on the cheek (predictably, she flinched) and went upstairs. Daddy's study was next to her room. It was comforting to hear his voice at night. It was like her personal lullaby.

She opened the door slightly. There was her dad, writing profusely. "Night, dad."

There was a pause. "G'night, Lily. What do we do to Jews and half-Jews?"

"Make 'em cry!" Lily giggled slightly.

"That's my girl."

Lily ran to her room, feeling as if she was going to explode from happiness. She liked making her dad proud. He was the one person who wasn't afraid of her or didn't fear her. He just loved her. More than he could say about Lily's mom. They were a good match hypothetically, but her mom was too much of a prude to have fun. She was going to run for mayor of the town. The closest she could get to government, no doubt.

Lily was quick to get to bed. She had to get up before her mom did. She was an awful bitch in the morning, and Lily didn't feel like dealing with it. She had to go to school, and be the poisonous girl everyone expected her to be.

For one day, she wished people didn't treat her like Eric Cartman's daughter. She just wanted to be Lily. Just for one day would be nice.

**xxx**

**Didn't get to edit this soooo just deal with it. **

**What do you think of the kids? Any you like? Hate? Want to see more of? Feedback would be appreciated!**


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